Kişiler arası başarılı ilişkilerin temeli, ev ortamında atılır.
Burada anne baba tutumlarının çok önemli bir rolü vardır. Anne ve babanın değişik tutum ve davranışları, çocukların çevreyle iletişimlerinde belirleyici bir rol oynar. Genellikle anne babalar çocuklarına karşı olumlu ve sevecen yaklaştıklarında, çocukların da arkadaşları ve çevreleri ile aynı biçimde ilişki kurdukları bilinmektedir.
İletişim becerileri gelişmiş çocukların aile ilişkilerine bakıldığında, aile içi iletişimin, belirli kuralları olan, sıcak, candan ve aile fertlerinin birbirlerinin ihtiyaç ve özelliklerine saygılı bir niteliği olduğu görülmektedir. Anne babanın değişik tutumlar sergilemesi, çocukların iletişim becerilerinin gelişimini doğrudan etkilemektedir. Aşırı kuralcı, kontrollü ve ilişkilerin sıcak olmadığı ailelerde, çocuklara daha az konuşma ve daha az kendini ifade etme fırsatı verilmektedir. Kurallar genellikle kesin, esnek olmayan bir biçimde ve nedeni çocuklara açıklanmadan uygulanmaktadır. Kurallar otorite tarafından verilen, değişmeyen ve uyulması gereken zorunluluklar olarak algılanmaktadır. Böyle ortamlarda yetişen çocukların, genellikle daha bağımlı oldukları, sosyal ilişkilerinde daha az duyarlı oldukları ve genellikle kişiler arası ilişkilerinde zaman zaman başarılı olamadıkları gözlenmektedir. Kuralları genellikle tutarlı ve kararlı biçimde açıklayamayan ve uygulayamayan ailelerde yetişen çocukların, sosyal duyarlılıklarının az olduğu ve bağımsızlıklarını kazanmakta zorlandıkları bilinmektedir. Kuralların tutarlı biçimde uygulanmadığı ev ortamlarında yetişen çocuklar, pek çok kuralın bir arada öğrenilmesi anlamına gelen toplumsallaşma sürecinde zorlanabilirler. Belirli ve tutarlı kuralların yanı sıra, sıcak ve demokratik ilişkilerin hakim olduğu ailelerde, çocuklar, kuralları öğrenirken, nedenlerini de kavramaktadır. Bu yaklaşımda, kurallar çeşitli becerilerin gelişmesinde etkili olur. Böyle ortamlarda yetişen çocukların kendi ayakları üzerinde durabilen, kendi kararlarını kendileri verebilen, sosyal ilişkilerinde duyarlı ve daha başarılı kişiler oldukları gözlenmektedir. Özetle, aile içi iletişimde, hoşgörülü, ancak, belirli kuralların olduğu ve tutarlı biçimde uygulandığı ortamlar etkili iletişimi sağlar.
Başarılı bir iletişimin temel koşuları şunlardır:
- Her birey kendine özgüdür. İletişimde temel ilke kabul etmektir.
- Herkesin farklı görüşleri olabileceğini bilmek ve bu konuda anlayışlı olmak iletişimi kolaylaştırır.
- İletişimin en önemli öğesi empatidir. Kurulan bu duygu ortaklığı, iletişimin gücünü artırır ve mesajların her iki taraf için de anlamlı olmasına olanak sağlar.
- İletişim sadece konuşmak değildir.
İletişim aynı zamanda;
- NE söyleyeceğinizi bilmek,
- Bunu NE ZAMAN ve NEREDE söylemenin daha uygun olacağına karar vermek,
- En iyi NASIL söyleneceğini düşünmek,
- Olayları BASİTÇE anlatabilmek,
- AKICI bir dille ve karşımızdaki kişiyle GÖZ KONTAĞI kurarak konuşabilmek,
- DİKKATİ yoğunlaştırmak ve verdiğimiz mesajların alınıp alınmadığını FARKEDEBİLMEKTİR. İletişim sürecinin temel öğelerinden biri etkili dinlemedir. İyi bir dinleyici, iletişim kurduğu kişinin yalnız söylediklerine değil, sözel olmayan mesajlarına da dikkatini verir.
Çocuklar, konuşmayı sürdürmek için desteklenmeye gereksinim duyarlar. Bu tür bir destekleme için verilen mesajlara iletişimi başlatan mesajlar denir. ”Ne güzel anlattın, devamını da merak ediyorum doğrusu”, ”Bugün çok keyifli görünüyorsun.” “Günün güzel geçti galiba ?” gibi mesajlar, doğru kullanıldığında iletişimin sürmesine yardımcı olabilir. Özellikle okuldan eve gelen çocuk, her gün onu karşılayan anne babasına okulda yaptıklarını, yediklerini, kimlerle ne oynadığını veya o gün öğrendiklerini anlatmaktan sıkılabilir. Bunun yerine “Seni özledim”, “ Günün güzel miydi?” şeklinde bir karşılama ya da sadece gülümseme ve sarılma onu rahatlatacak ve etkili iletişime ortam hazırlayacaktır.
Çocuklar dinlenmemeleri ve ciddiye alınmamaları konusunda oldukça duyarlıdırlar. Dinlenmediklerini fark ettiklerinde rahatsız olduklarını gösterirler. Anne babasının kendisini gerçekten duyduğunu fark eden çocuk, sevildiğini, önemsendiğini ve anlaşıldığı duygusunu yaşar ve kendini rahat hisseder. Bu, çocuğun benlik saygısının ve anne babasıyla yakınlığının artmasına ve aile içi iletişimin güçlenmesi ve sürekli olmasına zemin hazırlar. Günlük yaşam içinde farkında olmadan ve üzerinde çok düşünmeden verdiğimiz tepkilerin, eleştirel bir bakışla değerlendirdiğimizde çoğu kez sert ve karşımızdaki kişiyi hedef alan ifadeler taşıdığını görürüz. Oysa karşımızdaki kişinin veya çocuklarımızın hoşumuza giden yönlerini ifade etmek iletişime olumlu bir başlangıç sağlar. Sizinle paylaştığımız tüm bu mesajlar çocuklarınızla, eşinizle ve çevrenizdekilerle ”Nasıl daha etkili iletişim kurabilirim?” sorusunun cevabına dönük ipuçları niteliğindedir.
Ayrıca hep aklımızda tutmamızda yarar olabilecek diğer bazı ipuçları ise şunlardır:
• İlişkilerimizde olumlu bir bakış içinde olalım. Diğer bir deyişle, karşımızdaki kişinin olumlu yönlerini ve başardıklarını, başaramadıklarının ve olumsuzlukların önüne çıkaralım.
• Herkesin kendine özgü bireyler olduğunu ve farklı gelişim gösterdiklerini asla unutmayalım. Çocuğumuzu kardeş ya da yaşıtlarıyla karşılaştırmaktan kaçınalım.
• Sağlıklı ve etkili iletişimde fiziksel temas, çocuklarımıza sarılmak, onları okşamak, onlara sevgimizi ve mesajlarımızı iletmek için çok önemli bir araçtır.
• Çocuklarımıza ve çevremizdekilere karşı tutum ve davranışlarımızın, iletişim şeklimizin, çocukların çevreleriyle ilişkilerinde örnek aldıkları en temel etkenlerden biri olduğunu da hep hatırlayalım…
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